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I like to wear pearls. I enjoy wearing aprons, and love a clean house. I plan on staying at home while our children are very young, and yet, I consider myself a feminist. I believe in women's rights, and the freedom for women to choose what they want to do in life - in any direction, housewife, career woman, super-human juggler of both, whichever, whatever.
For many women, those rights and these freedoms do not come free or easily, but often at a cost.
I like to wear pearls. I enjoy wearing aprons, and love a clean house. I plan on staying at home while our children are very young, and yet, I consider myself a feminist. I believe in women's rights, and the freedom for women to choose what they want to do in life - in any direction, housewife, career woman, super-human juggler of both, whichever, whatever.
For many women, those rights and these freedoms do not come free or easily, but often at a cost.
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A few weeks ago, Mr. Shortcake and I were watching Saturday Night Live, hoping that the lovely Amy Adams would bring some comedic crisp to the usually very stale show. In one of her skits, Adams played a marriage counsellor determined to psycho-analyze her way into figuring out the dynamics between a newly-married and poorly-matched young couple. Even without a degree in psychology, it was clear what was going on.
Will Forte and Amy Poehler teamed up to play the young couple, who, like many of us, argued about sex. Unlike most of us however, the two had met on the docks - Forte had "fallen in love" with the Russian "Bogdanna" after seeing the stowaway jumping out of a barge. Poehler as the haggard and underwhelmed Bogdanna spent the skit pleading with Forte to sign her citizenship papers because she had already "give[n] the sex." Forte, however, was dismissive of Bogdanna's requests and needs and when discussing the relationship with Adams continually sugar-coated their relationship with a glaze of lovey-dovey bull sh*t.
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For many women, becoming an overseas (or "mail-order") bride can be an opportunity to escape a life in a developing country that, for whatever reason, is unsatisfying or even opressing. Marrying into a richer country ( like the US, Canada, UK, Australia) is seen as a way to gain job opportunities, to obtain life opportunities that otherwise would not be available in their home countries. If love occurs, good, so much the better.
Male defenders of this practice often compare it to other forms of match-making, declaring that choosing cuties from an online catalog is similar to, if not the same as, internet dating sites like http://www.eharmony.com/. In that the ladies list themselves, advertising their appearance, personalities, interests, yes, I can see the similarities. But when I look at the ages of these women (often 26 and younger) and at the countries represented by these email-order sites, and think of the standard of living in those countries, I can't help but be skeptical about these ladies' motivations. Now, before I continue, let me make this clear, my beef is not with the immigration of these ladies in these marriages - you do what you gotta do - but rather with the men, and their motivation.
They remind me a little too much of the smug Forte.
From http://www.goodwife.com/, one of the leading mail-order bride sites:
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"We also have the question of a Western woman vs. a Foreign woman. This is commonly refered to as a Mail Order Bride or MOB....Are there any good women left in the West? Sure there are. Are they easy to find? Not on your life!...We, as men, are more and more wanting to step back from the types of women we meet now. With many women taking on the "me first" feminist agenda and the man continuing to take a back seat to her desire for power and control many men are turned off by this and look back to having a more traditional woman as our partner.
So, what do we as men want in a woman, partner, friend, and wife? Do we want her to "fix us" after we are married? If we were good enough to marry in the first place then what is this bix fixation (pun intended) on fixing us? Do we want her to stop taking care of herself after we are married? (No need to bother looking good now right, I've already got him so I can quit trying to look my best and I can gain all the weight I want.) Do we want her to be the boss? Do we want her to put her career first? Do we want to come home to a bag of delivery food? Do we want to change everything about us that made us who we are? Do we want to spend our evenings and weekends taking the latest "relationship test" from some magazine to find out how inadequate we are? If you answered "yes" to any of this then you are in the wrong place. Go to Oprah.com or Dr.Phil.com and you will be much happier.
On the other side of this issue is the position taken by the radical feminists. Also known as "feminazis" for their attitudes and position regarding the roles of the man and the woman in a relationship. These "ladies" love to further their agenda with tales of horror regarding Mail Order Brides. They also want a man to be sensitive to their needs and desires to the point of losing everything about him that makes him a man.
What I like about this, or rather what I find funny in a sad pathetic way, is how she basically says to pretend to care and listen to the man who she supposedly loves and wants to spend her life with as a way to further her agenda in having, getting more, and maintaining all control of the relationship. When I read this kind of "opinion" I am further convinced in my decision to get as far away as I can from this type of woman who has become the norm rather than the exception in our Western society."
"We also have the question of a Western woman vs. a Foreign woman. This is commonly refered to as a Mail Order Bride or MOB....Are there any good women left in the West? Sure there are. Are they easy to find? Not on your life!...We, as men, are more and more wanting to step back from the types of women we meet now. With many women taking on the "me first" feminist agenda and the man continuing to take a back seat to her desire for power and control many men are turned off by this and look back to having a more traditional woman as our partner.
So, what do we as men want in a woman, partner, friend, and wife? Do we want her to "fix us" after we are married? If we were good enough to marry in the first place then what is this bix fixation (pun intended) on fixing us? Do we want her to stop taking care of herself after we are married? (No need to bother looking good now right, I've already got him so I can quit trying to look my best and I can gain all the weight I want.) Do we want her to be the boss? Do we want her to put her career first? Do we want to come home to a bag of delivery food? Do we want to change everything about us that made us who we are? Do we want to spend our evenings and weekends taking the latest "relationship test" from some magazine to find out how inadequate we are? If you answered "yes" to any of this then you are in the wrong place. Go to Oprah.com or Dr.Phil.com and you will be much happier.
On the other side of this issue is the position taken by the radical feminists. Also known as "feminazis" for their attitudes and position regarding the roles of the man and the woman in a relationship. These "ladies" love to further their agenda with tales of horror regarding Mail Order Brides. They also want a man to be sensitive to their needs and desires to the point of losing everything about him that makes him a man.
What I like about this, or rather what I find funny in a sad pathetic way, is how she basically says to pretend to care and listen to the man who she supposedly loves and wants to spend her life with as a way to further her agenda in having, getting more, and maintaining all control of the relationship. When I read this kind of "opinion" I am further convinced in my decision to get as far away as I can from this type of woman who has become the norm rather than the exception in our Western society."
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Wow. So I broke the pencil I was holding while reading that.
It's chilling enough to read that kind of chauvanistic cr*p, but to then read that "the rates of domestic violence against immigrant women are much higher than those of the U.S. population" - that young women have DIED at the hands of these "traditionally-minded" men, makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I find it just so sad, that circumstances can force young women who are looking for a better life, straight into the arms of pigs looking for the "perfect wife."
What do YOU think about mail-order marriages?
Read more:
About mail-order brides and new legislation
Violence against women act
http://www.american.edu/ted/bride.htm
http://www.nostatusquo.com/ACLU/anderson/brides/pg1.html
http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/1390/context/archive
3 comments:
thanks for the comment. I already have the adiri bottle...no go... my daughter is quite the picky one...the only thing that works is the Avent.... BTW, do I know you? Just curious...if not, no biggie either :-)
ha, no, I know susan through weddingbee, and was reading her blog, and she mentioned yours so I checked it out! :)
Miss Shortcake,
Thank you so much for the comment. I never know if ppl are reading this blog. I'll add you to my friend's list. During the summer, I can't keep up with weddingbee and these blogs, so it's good to know you're on blogger too.
Refer to this post "painting 101" in my 2006 archives for painting tips. I can also give you some other pointers if you email me. Believe me, it will save you a lot of trouble.
http://keithandanita.blogspot.com/2006/08/july-1st-2006-painting-101-materials.html
You have no idea how proud it makes me feel to know I've helped someone. Happy gardening! Check your zone to make sure peonies grow in your area. Off the top of my head, I haven't seen peonies at Home Depot, but other nurseries should have them. For us, the peony planting season is just a tad late, not too late, but a tad late. Already started plants are about to bloom now. If that's the case with your area too, either wait to the end of the season and buy the already bloomed plants *on sale* or order bareroot bulbs online and plant them in the fall.
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