a quiet Sunday

(mommy and me, circa 1985, on a trolley in San Francisco)

....spent restoring old baby pictures for our Blurb guest book.

(my oh-so-intellectual father holding his first daughter..love the glasses, Dad :) )

 

(baby rolls...nom, nom, nom  )

(how amazing is Mr. Shortcake in diapers? I love the cheeky smirk too)

(ah, yes. This is the stuff blackmail is made out of...)

 

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

A Letter to Our Printer

Dear Mr. Shortcake's Printer,



This is a letter to inform you that you are now officially the most reviled inanimate object on the face of the earth. The fact that no one else has even met you makes no difference, as I hate you enough for six-point-something billion people combined.

I don't care if you're old. I don't care if you can print Mr. Shortcake's thesis paper with ease. I want you to print my gee-darned invitations with ease! I have gone through EIGHT DIFFERENT DESIGNS just to try to appease you and your un-reliably-inking ways. I am now preparing to hand calligraph seventy six invitations, reception cards, rsvp cards, and map inserts because YOU CAN'T GET YOUR EFFING CARTRIGES TOGETHER. I can't even get you to print thequickbrownfoxjumpedoverthegeedarnedmummyhuggingfence the same way twice!

If payday weren't so far away, and our invitation mailing deadline TOMORROW I would happily purchase another printer and throw you out of the office window. But then again, violence solves everything.
Hold onto your ribbons, printer. It's going to be a long drop.

Sincerely,
your arch nemesis,
Shortie

A Place for Everything, and Everything Under My Skirt

Like many brides, I believe that the key to a smoothly-run wedding is found in meticulous planning and coordination before the event. Of course, not everything can be controlled (witness Mrs. Bubblegum's power outage or Mrs. Hummingbirds mudfest 2008), and that's where a sense of purpose (hello, you're getting married!) and a willingness to grin and bear it comes in handy.

I've told as much to my mother, much to her poorly-concealed delight. Apparently, she has little faith that I have within me the physiological and emotional resources to be a "Zen bride" on my wedding day, should anything go wrong. Hopefully, neither one of us will have to occasion to say "I told you so," but just in case, I have created an emergency pocket to hide inside my hoop skirt!

You all have probably noticed that I love DIY-ing, so when my post-Brown Owl- mental flash of preparedness appeared, I quickly set to work. Note: This will only work if you're wearing a hoop skirt - not a petticoat, not a crinoline (well maybe, but I'm not sure about sewing onto horsehair), and definitely not a slip or the underside of your wedding dress! A hoop skirt works best because it has structure, and keeps everything away from your body - like your own private office (or party) under your skirt!

(vintage buttons, how I heart thee!)

NECESSARY MATERIALS:

• 4 pieces of felt ( 2 pieces cut to be 5" X 8" and 2 pieces cut to be 5"X6")
• scraps of ribbon, buttons, felt, lace, etc (for decoration)
• needles (and a pincushion or something soft to stick them in when you're changing thread)
• embroidery floss
• sewing machine (optional, for sewing it into your hoop skirt)
• Velcro (or a button) for closing the top

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Cut the felt to size
2. Prepare and plan your decorations
3. Sew decorations onto ONE of the 5"X6" felt pieces
4. Sew all four felt pieces together, around three sides only, leaving an opening at the top
5. Attach a button to the top 5"X6" felt piece, sew a loop of thread to the inner 5"X8" felt piece. This makes a button and loop closure. Alternately, you could sew Velcro onto the same areas. (My button and loop are hidden in the pink heart)
6. Use your sewing machine to sew the edges of your pocket to the inner wall of your hoop skirt. Take out the flexible hoops first! You can also sew your pocket on by hand if the hoops aren't removable or you don't have a sewing machine.
7. Put in your in-case-of-emergency necessities.
8. Show off your mad skills!

You can also personalize your pocket-of-preparedness by stitching your wedding date and initials. Birds/strangely shaped arrows (thanks sister shortcake :p ) are strictly optional.

I'll be using my surprisingly sturdy pocket to store an extra copy of our uber-important "moment" songs (wedding march, first dance, father-daughter, etc) so that in case of the no-blues-blues, we'll be prepared (Mrs. Tulip and Mrs. Penguin, I bow down to your keeping-it-real-ness). I'll also keep extra copies of other things in there, of what I'm not so sure of yet....

My mom suggests Ritalin.

:p

How are you preparing yourself for possible wedding-day mishaps?

Here Comes the Groom! (A sneak peak for my readers)

Here's a sneak peak of our wedding cake topper for my readers outside of weddingbee!

Isn't Mr. Shortcake gorgeous in paper maché? :)

Ink it to me, baby! Uh huh!

Anyone else calligraphing their invitation envelopes/table place settings/menus/everything ? :)

Shortie DIYs: A Bouquet Worth Tossing

I love my bouquet. I haven't seen it yet, but it exists in somewhere in the feathery, floaty, martha-polluted reaches of my mind. Because of my overwhelming love for my bouquet, I'm having a hard time reconciling myself to the idea of throwing it into the masses of single, ambitious, love-hungry ladies at my wedding.

Crazy ladies like ME.



I have been known to, at more than one wedding, so ferociously go after the bouquet that people ended up maimed. For 'realz' - at my first wedding (when I was twelve), I jumped up and elbowed two ladies in the face! (I don't remember this, I kind of "black out" during bouquet tosses, only coming-to when I feel the bouquet handle lodged securely in my grip, feel the thrill of triumph running through my veins, and/or hear the angry mutters around me ("did you SEE her?") :)





I'm a wee bit competitive and prone to believe in wedding superstitions.



Exhibit B: I'm the amazonian tan lady (summer in Europe will do that) pursing her lips and formulating her catch-plan.






(HINT: Anybody play basketball? The key to catching a bouquet is the stance you take (wide, planted feet, hands up and open in front of you), and where you position yourself (judge the bride, watch her during the day, see if she would be a lobber, a girly-thrower, a ceiling-hitter, etc). Also, be RUTHLESS. :) )





ANY-WAY, I'm so not throwing my gorgeous bouquet if my guests are anything like me. Instead, I decided to hit my local dollarama, and grab some fake flowers for a little DIY magic!



::HOW TO MAKE A TOSS BOUQUET FOR SEVEN DOLLARS::





YOU WILL NEED:

• fake flowers (I used pink and yellow tulips, pink carnations, green kermit mums)...look at pictures of bouquets you like, choose the colours, types, and number of stems to coordinate with your vision. TIP: Buy stems with multi-heads, not single flower stems, to maximize your budget.
• sturdy, sticky tape (I used packaging tape, but you can use floral tape, duct tape, hockey tape - scotch tape won't work)
• ribbons (I used two, one 1 1/2 " ribbon, and one 1/2" ribbon in a coordinating but contrasting pattern). I used about four feet for the wrapping and bow of the main ribbon.
• wire cutters (I used jewellery wire cutters, but any will do the trick unless you have mega thick stems)
• scissors
• hot glue gun

This DIY project is REALLY easy, and took me just over two hours. Put on some slow jams, grab a glass of wine/soda/water/whatever, and settle in!

::CARNATIONS/MULTI-PETALLED FLOWERS::





Because these are dollar store flowers, they are naturally very ugly. In order to prettify them, you will need to take them apart, and put them back together.





STEPS:

1. Rip the head of a carnation/or any multi-petalled flower off of its stem. Pluck off its green base (bottom of the flower), put it to the side - you will need it later.
2. Layer the flower petals how you like (I alternated the layers to that the Y shapes overlappped). You can also combine different petals from differed flowers to create new types of flowers!.
3. Put a dab of hot glue around the hole in the middle of the petals, glue each layer together.
4. Cut off the green bit that originally went THROUGH your flower (not the original stem), so that it is flat and flush with the green base of the flower.
5. Glue this green base and green bit back to the bottom of the flower. The green bit will allow you to connect the flower head back on to the stem. Do so.
6. Arrange any moveable leaves on the stem to how you want them.
7. To make peonies, combine 2-3 carnations together, wrap with tape.

FINISHED CARNATION (PEONY):

:: TULIP OR STAMEN FLOWERS::


Flowers with these upright petals and stamens are a little bit trickier, but it's basically the same.



STEPS:

1. Fold back the petals, they are usually glued to plastic bits that hold them upright. Cut off the stamen as well as these plastic supports (unless you want a tulip)
2. Rip the head of a tulip off of its stem. Pluck off its clear base (bottom of the flower), put it to the side - you will need it later.
3. Layer the flower petals how you like (I alternated the layers to that the Y shapes overlappped). You can also combine different petals from differed flowers to create new types of flowers!.
4. Put a dab of hot glue around the hole in the middle of the petals, glue each layer together.
   You can fold petals over each other and glue together to create a "bud" as well!
5. Glue this clear base back onto the bottom of the flower. The clear bit will allow you to connect the flower head back on to the stem. Do so.
6. Arrange any moveable leaves on the stem to how you want them.
   

FINISHED TULIP/FLUFFY PRETTY FLOWER:

To create the bouquet, place the individual or clustered stems (like the peony we made) together, and use your sticky, sturdy tape to wrap around. Each stem you add, do another layer of tape. This way it's secure.

When all of your flowers are together, apply some glue to the bottom of the bouquet handle. Place the MIDDLE of your wide ribbon on to it, then wrap the handle with the two sides. If you leave pieces hanging, you can wrap them into a bow. Make sure to apply glue every so often along the handle while you are wrapping, so that the ribbon doesn't slide. If you are using additional ribbons, wrap them as you please, and glue into place.

::THE FINISHED RESULT::

So there you have it! I hope you enjoyed this DIY project - if you are on a budget and are using silk florals, the techniques I have listed here can easily be used for your real bouquets as well!

What do you think? Will my fake bouquet withstand the ravages of a hoard of clutching females? ;)

Completely Nutso?

I might be. While watching CSI Miami this week - a first, I flipped over only because I read 'wedding' in the description - I came to the conclusion that I was most definitely teetering on the brink of pre-wedding-planning induced insanity. Why? When the bride was unfortunately and mistakenly shot in the head and killed at the altar, my immediate thought was not

"gasp! How unfortunate for her to be mistakenly killed because her fake cz studded veil triggered the remote-controlled gun on the limo!"

but

"good, she deserves it - that ribbon-edge shortie veil totally does not go with her slinky crepe gown"


WHO AM I??

My newest wedding brainstorm/brain pain is probably enough to commit me.

....I am going to learn calligraphy, and hand write all of my invitations!


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NAME OF IN-PATIENT: Miss Shortcake
DATE COMMITTED: March 26th, 2008
WITNESS SIGNATURE: ________________

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Go ahead, sign. You know you want to.

Choose Miss Shortcake's Cake!

Everyone who knows about Ann Woods, loves Ann Woods. I am no exception (Exhibit A: giant sign on my lawn reading "I HEART A.W."), and was thrilled/intoxicated/falling-down-drunk-and-giggling-hysterically-punch-drunk in love with these caketoppers:




However, my mother objected to the A.W. caketopper on three counts:

1) They were dangerously nearing the cost of a whole cake
2) They didn't make any sense to her :"Birds? Who puts birds on a cake?"

and after explaining that quite a few people put birds on cakes (ie, Miss Penguin, Miss Canary, Miss Gummibear, etc) she was mollified but still insisted

3) that my crafting genes were better employed making a caketopper myself


So off I went, collecting fabric and bits and bobs and cutting out prototypes, when I realized that EVERYONE puts birds on wedding cakes now (exaggerating, I know) and I didn't need to copy EVERYONE, now did I?

So instead, I decided to make deer.

They'll be very similar to the following caketopper, but instead of being "glam" I'll craft them to be more vintage-kitchy-cute.




The cake itself will be put on some sort of pink vintage cake stand, either in ceramic or glass. I also love me some hob-nail, but the display ultimately depends on the design of the cake itself.









This is where you come in, darling reader - we need to finalize our cake design in order to receive accurate baker quotes!

THE INSPIRATION












THE FINALISTS:

Mr. Beefcake and I have weeded through all of the cakes on the previous inspiration boards, and have narrowed it down to the following four options.Please remember that our deer will be on top of the cake, so the final design has to "jive" with that venison vibe.

CONTESTANT A:


(from flickr user becheery)

* without top bows

CONTESTANT B:


(from flickr user pinkcakebox)


CONTESTANT C:

(from flickr user becheery)

*without monogram topper

CONTESTANT D:


(from martha stewart)

*in pale pink fondant


Which one do you prefer? A, B, C, or D?